Hye assalammualaikum. So I just got back from Germany on Friday around 19:00. And if you don't know, that's when Malaysian people could smell freedom by then. To be honest, I don't know where to start.
Actually, I wasn't really in a relationship before. We wouldn't call it relationship because of certain reasons but I advise you to stay or leave because this post is gonna be one hellaaaa long one. This is just me, letting it all out on my pathetic blog.
I'm actually not the type of person who would update their statuses about break-ups and such, and especially on blogs. Ada tu ada, but it's not about break-up and itu pun dekat blog lama. So senang kata ni kali pertama cakap pasal benda-benda ni dekat blog baru.
To avoid him feeling guilty or whatever, I'll just call him S. Ok macamlah dia baca blog aku ni hmmmm. So it started last year, time Malaysia cuti, December. This guy added me, S. He goes to the same school with my "friend." And I don't know what made me tegur him first, like seriously. Posted on his wall "Thanks :)" with a smiley face tuuu. And S replied "Welcome." At that moment I was like "Eh no smiley face? Sombong gilaaaaaaa." AND YES MACAM PRETTY NORMAL LAH IN MALAYSIA TO HAVE CINTA MUKA BUKU SO DON'T BE SURPRISE.
And yet again couple days after that, aku tegur lagi I mean like WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME KENAPA HATI AKU BAIK SANGAT NAK TEGUR DIA..And from that moment on, tetiba rapat semacam. As days past by, I just realized that aku actually suka diaa. We moved to skype after that and started to video call and stuff. First time dengar dia gelak..OHMYGOD SO COMEL I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING. Pastu ada sekali tu dekat FB terkantoi yang dia suka aku jugak. But actually dia yang suka aku dulu ok perasan semacam lol because I can pretty much tell from the way he talk to me. Boleh kata tiap-tiap hari skype, yelahhh Malaysia kan cuti time tuu.
We were moving pretty fast I must sayy and we weren't officialy in a relationship. We just liked each other but the way we treat each other is kinda..idk.
I really miss those skype talk we had, how we already planned to do this and that once I get back to Malaysia which is pretty soon. But you know.. stupid me, I asked him stupid questions sometimes and one of them was on my birthday. March 11th. Stupidest mistake I've ever made and I really wish I could take it back. I asked him "Hmm tak sayang kita dah? :("
And he replied "Sayang tu memang lah sayang, tapi takut hati I berubah and yours too."
AT THAT MOMENT I PRETTY MUCH CRIED DAH LAH TIME TU PERGI KELUAR MAKAN DENGAN FAMILY SO AKU COVER HABIS. 
I was confused from the way he told me. And lepastu, he deactivated his account because of SPM I guess. So for 2 months I waited, just to make sure that I didn't get it the wrong way. 27th May, he reactivated his account and so I decided to "ask him a question" or you can say a paragraph. I asked why he deactivated, and how much I missed him terribly and his laugh especially.
And he replied "Why can't we just be friends? Not more than that."
And some other things like "Jodoh dan pertemuan, semua Allah tentukan. Kita sebagai manusia hanya mampu merancang."
I read that message lepas sembahyang subuh, atas katil, menangis melalak, mata pun dah bengkak.
I didn't know that it would be like this, broken heart. Twice. And it's my first time. Dulu tu ada, but just suka-suka jeee, pastu tak contact dah. But with S, he's..different. Mula-mula kenal, I had no idea that we would be like this, and then this. It's so funny how we planned all the stuffs that we're gonna do once I get back to Malaysia, like for example dia datang KL duduk dengan uncle dia selepas SPM, dating dekat The Mines, skype time raya. All of them are just..nothing now.
P : So you're saying dah jumpa orang lain?
S : Dalam erti kata lain, single but not available.
Lagi bertambah menangis aku because clearly S dah jumpa orang baru. So I just had to suck it up and give him that "I hope you'll fine someone better than me.." speech kinda thing.
And what he replied after that was he actually wanted to be friends. But what's going through my mind was "How can we just be friends after all this? I mean like susahh and awkward. Bukannya taknak but hati ni belum siada lagi. I need to settle down a bit. Bagi beberapa bulan. Or maybe tahun.."
That's my pathetic love story. I still love him and I know I'm not the only who have experienced this.
Dear S, I hope that girl is what you've been looking for. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you and thank you so much for everything. You've taught me alot and I have changed since I met you. I wish you the best for SPM and pleaaasseeeeee tolong jangan merempit dah. Eventhough we've been together tak lama langsung but I've enjoyed every moment of it. Sorry kalau terlebih emotional and kuat merajuk. I know you hated it. But anywayss, take good care of yourself and jaga adik awak yang comel tuu elok-elok. ♥
P : Eh tipuuuuuuu kata taknak on skype dah sebab busy sangat study :(
S : Hmm teringat
P: Huh? Teringat dekat apaa?
S : Puteri Nur 'Amirah binti Abu Sufian :')
